Deep Thoughts

Monday, July 28, 2014
Though I haven't posted in a while, I thought I'd share what happened to me about a month again. This in no means a pity party, but to bring light to topic that I think is important.

A few weeks ago, I went to school to discuss research with my professor and saw a few classmates. For clarification, my classmates and I are all on rotations and rarely see each other, rather, I haven't seen the majority since the last day of finals about a two months ago. Ok, back to the issue, this one particular classmate, another woman, ask me, "Yasamin, have you gained weight, you're looking a little bigger, or is it the clothes you're wearing?" At the time, I chuckled and did my best to laugh it off, but in reality, it really hurt my feelings. 

Yes, I have gained about 30 pounds since starting pharmacy school, I used to be extremely skinny, kind of unhealthy skinny. Yes, my clothes may have been ill fitting, due to the fact that I refuse to by more clothes when I've been used to the same size all my life. Yes, I may have gained 10 of those pounds this past semester, but what gives you the right to point it out? We are not good friends, just classmates. We are not "study buddies," we have never studied together, but most importantly, you don't personally know me. So at what point is it your concern to ask me, even if you didn't mean harm by it about something so personal? I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, but my feelings were genuinely hurt. 

Growing up, I have always been thin, extremely thin. I used to be able to eat anything my heart desired and never gain a pound, in fact, I was losing weight. I always had trouble finding clothes that fit, I wore children's clothes for the longest time, this was also before 00 and 0 existed, which by the way, I believe is a child's size 14 and 16. I broke 100 pounds my sophomore year of college and I was so excited. I know sad story right? But for me, it was so thrilling, I could finally get the chairs go down, you know the adjustable height ones. 

I was also always decently active. I was into ballet and dance growing up and that also kept me fit, read, fit, not skinny, that just happened. So why am I "complaining?" You're probably thinking boo-hoo skinny girl woes, truth is, it doesn't matter, everyone is slightly self conscious, if you're not, then a round of applause for you. When I started pharmacy school, I quickly realized that sitting down for hours at a time was going to be my life. What didn't realize at the time is when you cut out activity, you gain weight, not to mention odd eating and sleeping habits. 

I know, I could've managed my time better to exercise, believe me, first year I did. I was kinda a nut about exercising before my wedding, sometimes to the point where I was working out twice a day because I wanted to be uber skinny for my wedding. Once second year began, I started gaining weight like none other. Each weight was always a freak out moment for me because it was the heaviest I ever was and would cry about it, I mean, I was crying about being 107 pounds. If you're reading and thinking OMG, cry me a river, 107 pounds, then you're not understanding my point. The point is, I, like many other women, am very self conscious about my weight and looks. I struggle with it daily and I try not to let it consume me, but in some ways, it has. 

Picking out clothes used to be fun for me, now a lot of things in my closet don't fit properly. I have had to size up for dress pants, I mean, I couldn't wear ill fitted pants on rotation, and I couldn't button them which was the deciding factor. I don't like taking pictures anymore, hence, why there hasn't been a blog post in a while, I'm unhappy with the way I look. I over analyze each angle and I compare myself to my old self and I'm not comfortable. 

Though it may sound like it, but I'm not just complaining. I am actively making healthier food decisions, exercising at least three times a week and though people don't lose weight overnight, I hope that I'm on the road to going back to the old me. I've come to accept that I will never be 100 pounds, that's unhealthy; everyone's happy weight is different and I hope to attain my goal. 

Now, this may have seemed like a long sob story, but my point was instead of pointing out flaws or making statements pertaining to someones looks, think about what they have been dealing with and think about their feelings. It may have been a seemingly harmless comment, but would you want someone to pass judgement on you like that? 


Copyright © 2013. A Dose of Classy. All Rights Reserved.