Deep Thoughts

Monday, July 28, 2014
Though I haven't posted in a while, I thought I'd share what happened to me about a month again. This in no means a pity party, but to bring light to topic that I think is important.

A few weeks ago, I went to school to discuss research with my professor and saw a few classmates. For clarification, my classmates and I are all on rotations and rarely see each other, rather, I haven't seen the majority since the last day of finals about a two months ago. Ok, back to the issue, this one particular classmate, another woman, ask me, "Yasamin, have you gained weight, you're looking a little bigger, or is it the clothes you're wearing?" At the time, I chuckled and did my best to laugh it off, but in reality, it really hurt my feelings. 

Yes, I have gained about 30 pounds since starting pharmacy school, I used to be extremely skinny, kind of unhealthy skinny. Yes, my clothes may have been ill fitting, due to the fact that I refuse to by more clothes when I've been used to the same size all my life. Yes, I may have gained 10 of those pounds this past semester, but what gives you the right to point it out? We are not good friends, just classmates. We are not "study buddies," we have never studied together, but most importantly, you don't personally know me. So at what point is it your concern to ask me, even if you didn't mean harm by it about something so personal? I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, but my feelings were genuinely hurt. 

Growing up, I have always been thin, extremely thin. I used to be able to eat anything my heart desired and never gain a pound, in fact, I was losing weight. I always had trouble finding clothes that fit, I wore children's clothes for the longest time, this was also before 00 and 0 existed, which by the way, I believe is a child's size 14 and 16. I broke 100 pounds my sophomore year of college and I was so excited. I know sad story right? But for me, it was so thrilling, I could finally get the chairs go down, you know the adjustable height ones. 

I was also always decently active. I was into ballet and dance growing up and that also kept me fit, read, fit, not skinny, that just happened. So why am I "complaining?" You're probably thinking boo-hoo skinny girl woes, truth is, it doesn't matter, everyone is slightly self conscious, if you're not, then a round of applause for you. When I started pharmacy school, I quickly realized that sitting down for hours at a time was going to be my life. What didn't realize at the time is when you cut out activity, you gain weight, not to mention odd eating and sleeping habits. 

I know, I could've managed my time better to exercise, believe me, first year I did. I was kinda a nut about exercising before my wedding, sometimes to the point where I was working out twice a day because I wanted to be uber skinny for my wedding. Once second year began, I started gaining weight like none other. Each weight was always a freak out moment for me because it was the heaviest I ever was and would cry about it, I mean, I was crying about being 107 pounds. If you're reading and thinking OMG, cry me a river, 107 pounds, then you're not understanding my point. The point is, I, like many other women, am very self conscious about my weight and looks. I struggle with it daily and I try not to let it consume me, but in some ways, it has. 

Picking out clothes used to be fun for me, now a lot of things in my closet don't fit properly. I have had to size up for dress pants, I mean, I couldn't wear ill fitted pants on rotation, and I couldn't button them which was the deciding factor. I don't like taking pictures anymore, hence, why there hasn't been a blog post in a while, I'm unhappy with the way I look. I over analyze each angle and I compare myself to my old self and I'm not comfortable. 

Though it may sound like it, but I'm not just complaining. I am actively making healthier food decisions, exercising at least three times a week and though people don't lose weight overnight, I hope that I'm on the road to going back to the old me. I've come to accept that I will never be 100 pounds, that's unhealthy; everyone's happy weight is different and I hope to attain my goal. 

Now, this may have seemed like a long sob story, but my point was instead of pointing out flaws or making statements pertaining to someones looks, think about what they have been dealing with and think about their feelings. It may have been a seemingly harmless comment, but would you want someone to pass judgement on you like that? 

Mini-summer break

Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Hi all! Clearly I've been very absent from blogging, even reading my favorite blogs as the last month and half of school really consumed my life. I'd like to say that I'm officially in my LAST year of pharmacy school, yay! 

In my mini-vacation, my husband and I went to visit some friends in Philadelphia, made our way to NYC to experience summertime weather (all the times I've been, it's always been FREEZING), visited New Haven, and back home. I still haven't gone through the pictures yet, gasps! I'm making my way down my to-do list of things I want to do before rotation madness begins. 

If you are on summer break, what are you doing in your down time? 

Spring has Sprung

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Dress: Banana Republic (on sale!) | Watch: MK, that version is in stores only similar | 
Belt: Old | Shoes: Zara, old, similar | Bracelet: BaubleBar

On the husband: Pants: J.Crew | Shirt: J.Crew Factory |
Belt: MK via Ruelala | Shoes: Ralph Lauren (Clearly, I shop for him)

It's been a while since I've last posted and I always say, I hope that it doesn't happen again, but it's inevitable, I have a crazy school schedule and I get side tracked with that and catching up on sleep and DVR (I'm a TV junkie). I give kudos to those bloggers who are able to manage their time well and post great content, I admire them, I truly do, it is hard work. It's not easy to get someone to take your pictures, quality pictures, edit them, etc., then try and write something witty and good. 

With that off my chest, Spring has officially sprung! The mark of the spring solstice was this past Thursdays, March 20th, which is also the Persian New Year, or Norooz (which literally means new day). I love this time of year when the weather starts to warm up and is about perfect for a few weeks until it actually heats up for the rest of the summer, at least in my city it's like that. There's something in the air about this time that makes me want to start fresh and get outside to play. 

I also love the idea of spring cleaning. Did you do any spring cleaning? I sure did, and I intend on doing some more, just after these exams...which is the story of my life for about another month, until that elusive P4 year starts. Yay! No, I'm not graduating quite yet, but my last year will be purely rotations, and I'm counting down the days 'til I start my last and final year of school for life! 

Enjoy the rest of the week, the weekend is right around the corner! 


Wednesday, February 19, 2014
I normally don't like to write about personal issues publicly, I tend to make those posts private, but lately, I've been thinking about friendship. If you're my friend, then you know it, I'm a pretty darn good friend. 

Friendship (noun), according to Merriam-Webster
1. The state of being friends.  
2. The quality or state of being friendly 

What does that exactly mean? Are we friends because we say hello to each other, are friendly to one another, what constitutes a friendship. Wikipedia says that friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than association. So again, what makes us friends? 

I believe that friendship is a a two-way street, I cannot continuously be contacting someone or vice versa, that wouldn't make me a good friend. I believe that friends are there for each other, which can range from just listening to doing silly things together. Friendship is not supposed to be one person, the same person, always initiating the relationship. That's what I call a faux friend. In my life time, I've encountered many of these people and for the most part, they have dropped off to wayside. What got me thinking was, why exactly is that? Not everyone has to be friends, but why do friendship that seemed to be good just fizzle? (Note: all professional schools are like high school, you see the same 100 or so people everyday, there will be cliques; whoever told you differently, they lied).
Which brings me to frenemies. According to Wikipedia, a frenemy is a portmanteau of "friend" and "enemy" that can refer to either an enemy pretending to be a friend or someone who really is a friend but is also a rival. I think Mean Girls said it best, frenemies are enemies that act like friends, or "fraters" are friends that secretly hate you. Being a girl is tough, mean girls really do exist, but being a mature woman is tougher. I found that girls who haven't yet fully matured act high school like and it's hard to deal with sometimes. Naturally as women, we are emotional people and tend to think with our hearts rather than be logical when it comes to friends, especially someone you liked and had a relationship with. 

After much thought, I've realized, how to handle so called frienemies and faux friends; simply by not caring. It seems to be working in my favor and I do my best not to let these petty "friendships" bother me anymore. You only live once #YOLO (I couldn't resist), and it's not worth your time to let these "friendshipsbother you, you have other friends who are actually in a friendship with you. And as I've grown older, I've noticed the number of my friends has dwindled; I can literally count my friends on one hand. That's not to say I don't have a lot of friends, but I have a few quality friends that I know will be there for me when I need it, not when it's convenient for them. If I'm your friend, I'm there, I listen, I'm loyal, I go above and beyond for my true friends, they all know this, I truly love them like sisters. I will never expect anything from anyone, but I appreciate and know the value of having a good friend. 

Looks of Love

Thursday, February 13, 2014
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Still looking for an outfit to wear on date night? Pop into Express, everything is 40% off! These are my favorite looks that are simple and effortless and won't break the bank. I really love the sweater dress, I just might pop into Express to get it. The red dress screams love, and you could add this bracelet and this necklace for a complete look. I have a similar skirt and I love it; paired with the reversible cami, it's definitely a look your date will like. As with anything you wear, make sure you feel comfortable so you exude confidence. Happy Valentine's Day! 

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